A collection of half-inebriated, non-sequitur rants and ramblings from the hellish mondane world of retail pharmacy.

Friday, February 23, 2007

What to whine about?

Boy, its been a typical shitty week. Nothing really out of the ordinary. For what its worth, out of the ordinary would include polite customers, physicians not writing shitty prescriptions and nurses/medical assistants pulling their heads out of their asses. Nope, not this week. So, what shall I bitch about tonight?

I know, idiots that whine about the cost of their medications. You know type, sing along with me. "Sir, your total for your thirty Zofran is $40." Then like the idiot they are, they reach for their wallet to pull out their insurance card. Then they flip it at you. Not hand it to you, but arrogantly flip it at you. Jesus, I fucking hate it when they do that. They flip it at you because they didn't think you billed their insurance. They don't realize that $40 is their copay, and their copay is like 5% of the cost of the medication. They have no idea, not because they don't work in pharmacy, but because they are stupid. And the worst part is suffering through the agony while you wait for them to get the card. You have to wait for the 'appropriate' and 'socially acceptable' time to tell them that its been billed. You know damn well the whole time what they are thinking. You just want to shout "Hey! Cheap ass, be happy with your fucking copay and get the hell away from me before you puke."

And then they whine about it. I love telling them how much it actually costs. I love that look on their face. Its the look of total overwhelment (I think thats a word). FYI, you can acheive the same look by doing the "I got your nose" trick by hiding your thumb between your fingers. Works like a charm. Anyways, it just amazes me how unaware people are. I think my personal record for this reaction is a copay just under $10. To them, that clearly was too much for some Lipitor. Fuck, I get mad just thinking about it.

On the flip side, I fucking love it when someone understands how awesome of a deal they are getting and show some fucking graditude for their insurance. They know they are fortunate and I fucking respect that. These are the people that quickly earn my respect and their prescriptions get moved to the front of the line whenever they come in.

Alright, thats all for tonight. Keep those stupid questions coming in. If you've already submitted one, send in another and ask your colleagues. I know we get do a lot better.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

The final check

No, not my final check. The patients' final check. JHC it drives me fucking crazy. I don't know what the fuck they are thinking when they do this. I can picture the little gerbel in their head that normally spins the wheel going all over the place getting no where. Why the fuck is it that when patients walk up to my counter with a stack of prescriptions they have to thumb through them and give them the final once over.

Free patient advice: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE LOOKING AT! I do! Thats what I'm here for. Why the hell do you insist on going through them all one last time? Just give them to me! The sooner you do, the sooner you can get your bitch ass out of my store and I can go back to checking my email. Just give them to me, I'll get them ready, and then afterwards, we can talk about them. Why don't we wait until they are in English (or computer translated Spanish) and NOT latin shorthand so your sub-GED capable brain can follow along. What a fucking concept.

I don't cup my sack and check to make sure my balls are still intact when I see my urologist. I'm going to assume women don't scrounge around their vaginas right before their OB does the deed. You get the idea.

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Contest

I would like to propose a contest. Its simple and there should be plenty of contributions.

Stupidest patient question of the year. Just shoot me a comment or email and a panel of judges will decide a winner. I'll even try and come up with a prize.

Lets have it.

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Saturday, February 03, 2007

I'm writing a new book!

The working title is;

Respecting my elders, calling my mother back, going to bed sober: And other things I haven't done in a really long time.

In bookstores soon.