Count By Five

Simmer Down Ho

2007-08-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

So my pharmacy is one of those that has a drive thru. I wasn't a real big fan of drive thrus in pharmacies when I first started. I came to realize that they also had their benefits and that they weren't that bad afterall. However, I knew that despite it not being so bad there would be some shit that came with it.

Up until today really the worst I've had was some stupid kids asking for fries with their with parent's order. Hahaha, real funny. I'm glad I went to school for as long as I did to get mocked by 7 year olds. Well, today some bitch decided to cross paths with me and she apparently woke up on the pissy side of the bed today.

Story goes like this. She was second in line in the drive thru. The customer in front of her had a fairly complex order. I had to return an item, fill a script, refill another, return another to stock, and so forth, and accordingly it took a while. Why? Because I am a professional and I take the time necessary to do my job correctly. I'm sure if McBitchy w/ cranky sauce was a prescription filling customer, she would appreciate the same kind of service. However, she is selfish, only looking out for herself, and she was not happy with how long she had to wait. (It wasn't all that long anyways) She verbalized her displeasure with the long wait. I refused to apologize. I simply said 'mmmhmm' to her gripes.

So, lesson of the day, the drive thru is a convenience. Its not fucking fast food. I am a pharmacist, not a high school dropout studying for the GED on my breaks while working at Burger King. Set aside enough time for your trip to the pharmacy that your day will not be a complete failure if you do not get your Valtrex within 2 minutes of walking into the store. Have the patience to let a healthcare professional take the necessary time to care for your fellow sister/neighbor who is ill and not make them feeled rushed and uncomfortable. When I am counseling my patients, your expectations of what timely service should be is certainly not on my mind.

Bottom line; be patient, calm down, you're not all that important.

Have you no shame?

2007-07-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

No, you don't. And its pretty obvious.

Just because you have an inherent, god-given right to have children, that doesn't mean you need to take that as a challenge. No one is requiring you to raise a family, specifically a very large one that you cannot afford.

I can understand getting pregnant and having a child before you can truly afford one. Mistakes happen. You do your best, you try to provide for your new family and make things right.

However, breeding your own army on the tax payers' dollar is shameful. You have the right to a family, but you do not have the right to have a family and not have to pay for it. That is what we call shameful. You cannot provide sufficiently for your family. This is not good.

There are many ways to fail in life, and not being responsible and providing for your family is a very fundamental failure. One child is one thing, but learn your damn lesson, and don't make the same mistake again. Love that one child, earn more money, and then consider having more children then and only then.

And when your poverty-content family becomes so large that they mail two medicare coupons to your house every month, you are a complete failure.

Shame on you.

Communism

2007-04-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

Well, this is going to be a personal first. I'm certainly neither a liberal, nor a democrat, and I probably couldn't be less of a communist. What I am about to argue for is nothing but pure socialism and commie nonsense that is going to make the Drug Monkey's scotch taste just a little bit better tonight.

If you're following along at home, and read any of the pharmacy/anger/hate blogs that are becoming more and more prevalent, you may have noticed that working with the public tends to be the worst part of our jobs. It can also be argued that its the hardest as well. Ask any pharmacist if their job would be easier or harder if they didn't have to deal with the public, they will gladly tell you that working with the public is a burden.

So, may I suggest anyone trying to build momentum for the socialist movement argue that all jobs working with the public be paid equal. Regardless of your skill or trade, just the act of talking to the public is the single most difficult and least desirable part of any job. The rest is easier and much more pleasant. Thus, all jobs in retail or otherwise work with the public should be paid equally.

Retail pharmacists generally are paid more than their institution/hospital counterparts. Its called combat pay, and its due to having to deal with some dipshit who knows nothing yet insists on yelling at me for no good reason. I just have to sit there and take it. And I can't think of a single good reason that the kid slicing turkey meat at the deli counter has any less dignity or should be expected to take the same verbal abuse. Where is this kid's combat pay?

Whatever. I'm not taking a pay cut.

A general rule for the public:

2007-04-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

I'd like to talk about an unwritten rule that the public should start to follow a little more closely. If you happen to have been prescribed and use medications administered rectally or vaginally, please just call in the prescription number to the pharmacy. Do not bring in the container. Yes, you are special and you wash your hands, wear latex gloves and pray for forgiveness while doing the deed. I get that, thanks, whatever, just don't bring in the box or bottle. If there is any chance that your hands might travel back to the container after tickling your duodenal sphincter, leave it home, decontaminate it, burn it and throw it away. I hope you get the message.

Oh, and one last thing. I've got a friend in the industry, so he would know... no oral sex before going to the dentist. They'll know.

Sorry, its been a while...

2007-04-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

I've been busy calming down and counting to ten. Several times. For weeks.

I really am starting to hate people. Not as in I hate more than one person, the plural being people. No, as in I hate people, all of them. Well, really, everyone that approaches my pharmacy counter. Those are the people I really hate.

Pop quiz!

You are patient. You politely say hello to the pharmacist that has acknowledged you. You have a handful of three prescriptions. You need to drop them off. You see that the pharmacist has extended his open hand towards you, and shows some genuine interest in helping you today.

Where do you place the prescriptions?

A) In the hands of the pharmacist so s/he can fill them.
B) On the counter, directly under the open and waiting hand of the pharmacist.
C) Roll them up real tight and cram them up your dick hole.

If you answered B, might I suggest C.

Plan B Prevents Abortion

2007-03-20T21:50:00.000-07:00

I saw this t-shirt while not doing anything at work today. I thought it was quite clever. The whole concept of the website/shirt company concept is pretty ingenius too.

Is it just me, or do you other pharmacy people have a hard time understanding how any business is capable of making much money? I think its because I have spent too much time around pharmacy figures and spreadsheets, and the fact that we (as a store and industry) just barely squeak by, but I have absolutely no faith in any business being able to make money. I realize that they do, I just can't wrap my otherwise large mind around it.

Except for PBMs and insurance companies. They just bend people over, take their money and rape the hell out of them. Thats a business plan that makes sense to me.

Stupid Patient of the Day

2007-03-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

David Wells of the San Diego Padres

This man has just been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Can you believe that? For the general public out there, thats the type of diabetes you get from being fat, lazy and eating too much sugar. For those of you that don't follow baseball, David Wells was the poster child for how not to live if you don't want to get diabetes. Now he is the poster child for lazy athletes and diabetics. He is Mr. Syndrome X.

It wasn't too long ago that Wells prided himself on drinking beer, eating hot dogs, getting drunk all the time (he claims he threw his no hitter with a wicked hang over) and smoking cigars. He did it because he was a bad ass. He knew it was bad for him, but he was tough and he wasn't going to let conventional wisdom and nutrition dictate his lifestyle. Instead, his diagnosis and misinformation will dictate everything.

"From the time I found out, I made changes. No more starches and sugar. No more rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread. No more fast food. I've cut out alcohol."

Yeah, good luck with that. You've prided yourself on your lifestyle, been living it for many years, and now you are going to just turn it off like a lightswitch. Have fun with that one big guy.

"Obviously, this is a concern," the left-hander told the newspaper. "But it's beatable. And I'm going to beat it."

Uh, no its not. You're stuck with it for, oh lets see, forever!

"This is a major lifestyle change. I don't want this going to Type 1 diabetes," Wells told the newspaper.

Yes it is a major lifestyle change, but Type 1 is not the natural progression of uncontrolled Type 2 diabetes. Plus, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'd be suprised if you haven't been living as a diabetic for quite some time now. Dumbass.

"I want to be around for a while. If you don't take care of this, it can lead to some scary stuff ... like losing limbs. If anyone has this, it's a red flag, period.

Red flag for what? Dying? No numbnuts, getting fat, having more cholesterol than blood in your veins and eating as much as your portly self has been is a red flag. Diabetes the result of ignoring all those red flags.

"But if I follow the rules I've been given, there's no problem."

Well, thats true unless you pay attention to published studies and stats that say otherwise. Nevermind the fact that you are at higher risk for kidney problems, vision problems, depression, changes in lifestyle that fat people find enjoyable, decreased length and quality of life, hypertension, just to name a few. But hey, at least you don't have to worry about getting your penis hard, right?

Oh shit.

No problem my ass.

Now, what I find the funniest, is how much of a dipshit Wells' physician must feel like. Assuming the physician provided any disease conseling at all (probably not), s/he apparently didn't do a very good job of it, or doesn't know shit about diabetes. If I was a colleauge of this physician, I would be making fun of them and mocking them pretty much for the remaining tenure of their career. Time to work on your patient education skills.

Paging Dr. Stupid.

What to whine about?

2007-02-23T00:17:00.000-08:00

Boy, its been a typical shitty week. Nothing really out of the ordinary. For what its worth, out of the ordinary would include polite customers, physicians not writing shitty prescriptions and nurses/medical assistants pulling their heads out of their asses. Nope, not this week. So, what shall I bitch about tonight?

I know, idiots that whine about the cost of their medications. You know type, sing along with me. "Sir, your total for your thirty Zofran is $40." Then like the idiot they are, they reach for their wallet to pull out their insurance card. Then they flip it at you. Not hand it to you, but arrogantly flip it at you. Jesus, I fucking hate it when they do that. They flip it at you because they didn't think you billed their insurance. They don't realize that $40 is their copay, and their copay is like 5% of the cost of the medication. They have no idea, not because they don't work in pharmacy, but because they are stupid. And the worst part is suffering through the agony while you wait for them to get the card. You have to wait for the 'appropriate' and 'socially acceptable' time to tell them that its been billed. You know damn well the whole time what they are thinking. You just want to shout "Hey! Cheap ass, be happy with your fucking copay and get the hell away from me before you puke."

And then they whine about it. I love telling them how much it actually costs. I love that look on their face. Its the look of total overwhelment (I think thats a word). FYI, you can acheive the same look by doing the "I got your nose" trick by hiding your thumb between your fingers. Works like a charm. Anyways, it just amazes me how unaware people are. I think my personal record for this reaction is a copay just under $10. To them, that clearly was too much for some Lipitor. Fuck, I get mad just thinking about it.

On the flip side, I fucking love it when someone understands how awesome of a deal they are getting and show some fucking graditude for their insurance. They know they are fortunate and I fucking respect that. These are the people that quickly earn my respect and their prescriptions get moved to the front of the line whenever they come in.

Alright, thats all for tonight. Keep those stupid questions coming in. If you've already submitted one, send in another and ask your colleagues. I know we get do a lot better.

The final check

2007-02-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

No, not my final check. The patients' final check. JHC it drives me fucking crazy. I don't know what the fuck they are thinking when they do this. I can picture the little gerbel in their head that normally spins the wheel going all over the place getting no where. Why the fuck is it that when patients walk up to my counter with a stack of prescriptions they have to thumb through them and give them the final once over.

Free patient advice: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE LOOKING AT! I do! Thats what I'm here for. Why the hell do you insist on going through them all one last time? Just give them to me! The sooner you do, the sooner you can get your bitch ass out of my store and I can go back to checking my email. Just give them to me, I'll get them ready, and then afterwards, we can talk about them. Why don't we wait until they are in English (or computer translated Spanish) and NOT latin shorthand so your sub-GED capable brain can follow along. What a fucking concept.

I don't cup my sack and check to make sure my balls are still intact when I see my urologist. I'm going to assume women don't scrounge around their vaginas right before their OB does the deed. You get the idea.

Contest

2007-02-15T23:54:00.000-08:00

I would like to propose a contest. Its simple and there should be plenty of contributions.

Stupidest patient question of the year. Just shoot me a comment or email and a panel of judges will decide a winner. I'll even try and come up with a prize.

Lets have it.

I'm writing a new book!

2007-02-03T13:33:00.000-08:00

The working title is;

Respecting my elders, calling my mother back, going to bed sober: And other things I haven't done in a really long time.

In bookstores soon.

Want to increase business

2007-01-29T23:41:00.000-08:00

Damnit, I'm on a roll tonight.

Are you looking to increase revenue and business at your pharmacy. I have a fool-proof, sure fire way to do so.

Let me ask you one question. Ever notice how business picks up to furious pace once YOUR lunch starts. This only goes for those of you (99% of pharmacists) that get to work through their lunch. Once you pop that sandwich out of the bag, or rip the seal open on that frozen burrito, it becomes a madhouse at your pharmacy.

If you are on the verge of forclosure, I highly recommend you order out. Get something highly delicious, incredibly savory, and hot. It must be warm. By the time your back in the black, your meal will be room temperature. Its a promise.

Take a sip of your soda, the phone will ring. Take a big bite of a peanut butter sandwich, a customer will pop up out of nowhere. You get the idea.

Sometimes its fun to dick with the phone. Just put the piece of food by your mouth; don't actually start eating it. It will ring, but no one will be on the other end. You:1, Phone: 0. You get the idea.

Anyways, the point is, there is a secret underground community of food servers and your patients. They are watching you all the time and know when you are hungry. They wait for you to go heat up your lunch, and then they storm the store.

I have yet to enjoy one lunch uninterrupted since I've been working. Fuck that. I swear to God its going to make me kill someone.

I'm opening a recovery clinic

2007-01-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

And it will be the most successful clinic ever. Best part of all, its going to be totally simple. If you are addicting to narcotics, opiate, benzos, anything, well addictive, just follow these simple steps.

1) Stop smelling like shit. So many addicts smell like shit. Both literally and figuratively. For some, this will mean not just taking a shower, but also using soap. For others, it will be either wiping the remainder of shit out of your ass, or find the shit you stepped in, and clean it off.
2) Have all your teeth. Should you be missing some teeth, the clinic's resident dentist will replace them with implants that never can be removed. This way there is no chance of relapse.
3) Dress modern. This goes for both hair and clothes. I'm not exactly sure why, but for some reason having a mullet predisposes one to developing an addiction. Oh, this leads me to a sub-rule...
3b) Wear sleeves. If you are a man, and its below 140 degrees outside, for the love of all thats holy, wear some sleeves. I don't want to see your fat hairy arms, and you don't want to see mine. Ah ha! But I wear sleeves, and I don't suck dick for Vicodin. See, its simple!
4) Speak proper english. Now, this one could be hard, but I believe its fundamental to curing addiction. Let me be clear, this applies to people that speak English as a native language, not English as a second language.
5) Shave. Facial hair is fine, but keep that shit groomed. Nothing says "I love me some Soma and Percocet" like a 6 o'clock shadow from 4 days ago.

Damnit I'm a fucking genius.

New risk factor for stroke; sodomy*

2007-01-10T13:07:00.000-08:00

Thats right, get done dry in the ass has just recently been determined to be a leading cause of recurrent stroke. What do I mean? I'm glad you asked.

See, Plavix is made by Bristol Myers Squibb, and Plavix was losing its patent for exclusivity. That meant that BMS would be losing lots and lots of money since other companies coud start producing and selling the generic. Today is commonplace for big pharma to use the courts' leverage to place legal restrictions on the generic manufacturers while there is debate as to whether or not the patent has really, truly expired. Sure, whatever, they're just protecting their intellectual property. Fine.

But BMS got sneaky and tried a new move. They set up an agreement with Apotex. They promised to give Apotex one day to get their clopidogrel out the door. Apotex had the product approved and just waiting to be shipped out for that one day. BMS gave them one free pass for that day to sell millions, if not billions of generic Plavix. Then BMS would sue or whatever, putting a halt to any more generics being sold. Meanwhile the wholesalers like McKesson and Cardinal could sell what they had to pharmacies.

Here's how BMS bent over America. They knew they would be selling brand Plavix again at some point. They knew this, it was part of their plan. For some reason however, I go to order clopidogrel one day, and my wholesaler has run out. Fine, I'll switch back to Plavix, oh wait, fuck, no Plavix either. BMS, you fucked up. And in case you forgot, your drug keeps people from having strokes and heart attacks. Thats some serious shit.

Now its the nature of patients to not get their refills early like they should, and some are not very persistent in trying to get a refill each day. They are lazy and will wait until they get around to it, thinking that they can go a day or two without their meds. Point being, I promise you that at least some poor grandma out there had a stroke simply because the supply of Plavix had dried up, just so BMS could make some more money. Way to go shitheads.

*sodomy; see anal sex, see also getting fucked in the ass

Steroids

2007-01-07T21:09:00.000-08:00

So, I am sitting here, drinking some whiskey, watching Sportscenter, and the issue about whether or not the whole gamut of sluggers that were more or less tied to steroid use should gain entrance to the baseball hall of fame. I personally doubt that steroids is all that significant to the ability of one to hit a baseball the requisite distance needed to round the bases. Its far more important that solid contact be made with the ball than massive muscles be swinging the bat. Its a speed and contact issue, not strength. Anyways, it reminded me of an episode at work this last week...

I get a call from a guy asking for, and I quote, 25 gauge half inch needles, sans the syringe. Just the needle. Methinks this is an awfully specific request, but, being in a decent mood (the week was almost over) I played dumb, and told him we had some. Oh, and for what its worth, I asked this very young sounding guy what he needed them for, and he claimed diabetes. Sure, whatever.

So, dingleberry shows up, and he is quite a sight. He is probably, oh, 21, wearing a hooded sweatshirt, tight like spandex from his enormous upper body he squeezed into it. This is the point at which I remember that I can deny him sale if I suspect he does not have a legitimate medical need for said needles. Anyways, I give him the run around, he gets flustered, and I have a good time. The part of it all that I love the most is when I ask him what medication he is injecting. He claims his physician hasn't prescribed it yet. Yeah, I get that a lot. Lots of people telling me they need some insulin syringes, but their physician is keeping which insulin a big super secret happy suprise. It makes your diabetes more festive. Hooray! There's cake for everyone! (Except you, you have diabetes).

I'm not blowing smoke up your ass

2006-12-07T00:42:00.000-08:00

I am a kidder. I like to kid. I like to goof off, mess around, horse around, screw off, call it what you will, I likes to have a good time. When I am conseling patients, however, I tend to be pretty serious.

Which brings me to today's rant. I am conseling on this antibiotic, and as we all know, there are certain antibiotics that cannot be taken with calcium and dairy products. This patient was certain, was willing to bet his life on it, that this was one of those antibiotics. He kept asking me, are you sure? I really think this is one of those. Yeah, I remember, this is one of those you can't take with calcium. No matter how often I said it was fine, me being the pharmacist and all (as in what the hell do I know?) they just weren't quite sure I was correct. But the crux of the matter is, I'M NOT MESSING WITH YOU!!! If I tell you that taking this medication with calcium will make a horn grow out of your forehead and flames shoot out of your ass, then I am kidding you. If I tell you the calcium will chelate the drug and render it ineffective, guess what, thats not funny, and therefore, not a joke.

This whole concept will be an entire chapter in my upcoming book; "Stupid People; Hurry Up and Die"

Marshall Mathers, PharmD

2006-11-30T01:55:00.000-08:00

So, as I do on most nights, I was venting some hatred and anger by listening to an Eminem album. I was about halfway through the Encore album, when I finally realized that Eminem himself must have been a pharmacist, or a tenured pharmacy tech at the very least. I mean, he is angry. Real angry. Just listen to his lyrics. This man is filled with anger. Ambiguous third party rejection anger. Idiot customer anger. Price check anger. Can I get my Soma and Vicodin filled 19 days early anger. Yeah, that angry. The only logical explanation is that Marshall Mathers once worked in retail pharmacy.

So, as you are closing down the store for the night, remember the inspiring words of our angry colleague. Recite after me; "Fuck this bitch raw dog and bail."

I love shitty weather

2006-11-28T10:02:00.000-08:00

Oh man, this is great. Its been snowing like a beast out here recently. The roads are mildly messed up, but no one here knows or dares figure out how to drive in the snow. This will result in a great work day for me. No one will come in. I can check my email every five minutes. And, I can't believe I just thought of this. Now I am really excited. I will be able to eat my lunch and finish it before it gets cold again. I don't remember the last time that happened.

For those of you business minded folk, you are probably thinking sales will go down for the day. Fear not, for the snow gods have your interests in mind here too. As I just saw, people are clumsy, and fall on ice, right out front of our store. Not only was it hiliarious (the loud CRACK of her hip was the frosting on the cake), but I am going to sell a ton of ibuprofen today.

Alright, I have to go. Time to mark up the prices on the pain killers and gloves.

Don't be a dick

2006-11-26T11:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes physicians really piss me off. Generally, I respect them and enjoy working with them. Every now and then, they just get under my skin and beg for my foot in their ass. Let's discuss;

When I call and tell you that a medication you (the MD) just prescribed is contraindicated in your patient, brushing me off is not the right response. When I call back, insisting why and giving specifics of said contraindicated reaction, telling me to half the dose is also not the correct response. One of the great things about modern pharmacy is that there is almost always another option in medication selection. Maybe your pharmacist can help you with it. Just a thought. Anyways, point is; don't get all shitty and pissy when I try to help YOUR FUCKING PATIENT. I'm not trying to be a dick, I'm not trying to show off the massive size of my pharmacy brain, I'm just trying to help YOU AND YOUR PATIENT. Quit being such a smelly cock.

Give Thanks

2006-11-22T23:47:00.000-08:00

What I am thankful for:

A kick ass tech that is smart, doesn't question everything I do, is great with customers/patients, super quick, and not to be a total dick, KNOWS HIS ROLE.

Customers that get the concept that their physician is not in their office, sitting next to the fax machine, just waiting to approve their refill requests.

Patients that take some amount, no matter how small it might be, in the responsibility of knowing something about their prescriptions.

Online C-II ordering. Took the feds long enough to allow that. You can buy wine, airplane tickets, make reservations, order a pizza and buy a car online (and have been able to for years), but now we can finally stop filling out those stupid 222's.

A close working relationship with our most frequently prescribing physicians. Trust me here, it makes practicing pharmacy, actually practicing it, a whole lot easier.

Patients who are genuinly grateful for their insurance, and comprehend that their $30 copay for a month of Lipitor has in fact been run through their insurance, and realizes just how much money they are saving. I fucking hate it when I run a script for something very expensive, say 60 tablets of Zofran, and when I tell them their copay is $40 they gasp and act all pissed that I didn't run it through their insurance. And no, I am not yanking your chain when I say the cash price is over $1000.

All the warm and fuzzies I get from the above thankful-worthy people and moments still pale in stark comparison to the opiate-addicts, idiot nurses, dickhead physicians, and general incompetent, how-can-they-both-breath-AND-walk public, and the mental pain they inflict on me every damn day.

I hate you all.

Happy Holidays.

Not all that angry, just a little surly

2006-11-20T21:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm not really all that angry about it, but its become apparent that some people actually read this tripe that I spit out, so, I feel somewhat obligated to post something soon.

There are many things that people do in their cars, and in the drive thru in general that just fucking piss me off. Here are some recent ones that come to memory.

1) While your car is still rolling forward to the window, and your driver's side window is still rolling down, don't start barking out your name to me. Give me the courtesy of coming to a stop and let your window roll down all the way. I'm not interested in setting the world's record for fastest Rx pickup. Slow the fuck down dickhead.

2) Very similar to the above person, but at the end. Most people have the social skills to realize when both people involved in a conversation have more or less decided to end it. The subject matter has been concluded, and each person's voice takes on a unique tone, and often there are closing remarks like 'Thanks', or 'Have a nice day', or 'I'm calling the cops you fucking crackhead.' However, I had one person that chose a different method. They just rolled up their window. I'm not sure they ever finished their sentence, but the conversation did end when the window was up. I wanted to put my foot through that damn window.

3) The last one for today. It was rush hour, our drive thru was full of cars, and moving slowly. There was antibiotic reconstitution and fairly lengthy counseling involved. I can understand how this might frustrate some of the people waiting in line. They need to remember, however, that the drive thru of a pharmacy is for convenience, not necessarily blazing fast speed. Like I say, 'You can have your Rx now, or you can have it correct.' Anyways, some dickhole starts honking their horn. Now I'm pissed, and my patient feels embarrassed. Fine, whatever, leave it at that asshat, we get the idea. But no, they had to call us inside, from their cell phone to make sure the person in front of them was being helped. What a dick. Thats a real smart fucking move. Be a total annoyance to the person that has, and will continue to be looking over your well being and prescriptions for the next several years. Fortunately for me, I think he is an alcoholic, and its only a matter of time before he is prescribed some Flagyl. (Nerdy pharmacist joke)

Blood

2006-11-09T15:24:00.000-08:00

Okay, thats it. I am sick and tired of this shit. Its not that I am a total germ-a-phobe, its just that I don't think I have to deal with unnecessary exposure. I just don't understand how I get so many damn prescriptions with blood on them. Granted, they're not sopping wet with blood, but there is a distinct smear of blood on them. Oddly enough, its always on the backside of the prescription. I only find the blood after I am done handling it and go to slap my printed sticker on the back. SON OF A BITCH!!!

How do these people do it? I just don't get it. I am overly aware of when and where I am bleeding, as are most people. Furthermore, how do these people not know they are bleeding, and then proceed to get it on their prescription? I just don't get it.

You may be thinking that all these people are coming in from dental operations or something else that produces an open wound. This is, however, not the case. This is for stuff like Prozac and Lexapro. Where is this mystery blood coming from? How do these people not know about blood bourne pathogens? Other than vampires (which don't fucking exist) NO ONE LIKES TOUCHING OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOOD.

Here's the point. If you are bleeding, keep your fucking prescription away from your wound. Your pharmacist doesn't want to touch it. There are no exceptions to this. And should you happen to let a drop of blood touch the prescription, do the right thing, TELL THE PERSON ABOUT TO HANDLE IT. Damnit. I would think this should be a common courtesy, but then again, it shouldn't be all that common. Think you fucking idiots.

Alright rant over. Back to waiting for the labs results on what the fuck the brown streak on that last prescription was.

Grind and sniff

2006-09-08T01:04:00.000-07:00

On tomshardware.com recently, there was an excellent article about drug use/prescription drug abuse among the uber nerdy PC gaming community. Here is a link for you;

http://www.twitchguru.com/2006/08/29/gamings_new_drug_culture/index.html

In my opinion, this is a must read for anyone in the pharmacy industry. Its odd to read this detailed account of what happens in a very typical suburban area. I couldn't help but picture my neighborhoods and houses and their rooms while reading the story. I'm sure the same holds true for many other readers.

I struggle to know what conclusions to draw from the article. I will mention, however, that I can help but feel validated for all the times I have been suspicious of people and the prescriptions they hand in. I think I'll call on every controlled Rx I get tomorrow.

School's in session

2006-09-08T01:00:00.000-07:00

I swear, I could hear the ringing of the local school's bell and no sooner did my phone also ring. It was an MD office calling in a script for some kid and his Zithromax suspension. Haven't mixed one of those in months, exactly when school got out for the Summer. Stock up, schools in session suckers.

FDA+

2006-08-29T01:33:00.000-07:00

Way to go FDA. I commend you on your final, albeit, reluctant decision to approve Plan B for OTC sales. I further want to thank you for establishing a new tier of medications, something I like to think of as behind the counter. For those of you that don't know, to obtain the Plan B over the counter, there must be at some point pharmacist intervention, or at least the chance of such a meeting. Plan B will only be available OTC in places that employ a pharmacist. No getting it at 7-11, a gas station, or in a dance club restroom coin-op vending machine. This does two things. First it makes this option more available to women in states with behind-the-times boards of pharmacy. Second, it improves the chances that Plan B will be taken appropriately.
So, great work FDA. Take the rest of the week off. You earned it.

Rage Against the Machine

2006-06-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

Rage Against the Machine once said 'Anger is a gift.' If that is true, consider me extremely gifted. I am one blessed pharmacist if this is the case. I have yet to hear someone attempt to disprove my claims of being quick to anger.

Now, as much as I would love to punch every other person that walks into my pharmacy straight in the teeth, laws and some other bullshit like that prevent me from doing so. Nor can I jab them in the ear with my counting spatula. (It fits, and don't ask me how I know.) So anyways, I pretty much spend each subsequent day building on the anger and rage carried over from the day prior. As they say, necessity is the mother of all invention, I think today I had an epiphany on how to cope with this infinite rage.

I strongly believe in property rights, and that people have a right and responsibility to protect their property. Furthermore, we the people cannot always rely on the government to protect our property, so, we must protect it ourselves at times.

From now on, I will park my car, armed with a wake-the-dead alarm, with a stack of cash and empty bottles of Oxycontin in plain sight. Someone (we get plenty of addicts, and this ain't exactly Beverly Hills out here) will surely try to break into my car. And when they do, trust you me, I will be thankful. They will experience the fury of a thousand bitchy patients. The anger pent up from a million rejected claims. The murderous blood lust caused by standing on my feet for the better part of my 20s while the idiotic public yells at me for no good fucking reason. I swear, people treat stray cats better than they do pharmacists.

So anyways, as I pummel this douche, I stop just short of death, feel the most divine happiness transcend upon me and have one purely, blissful moment, completely void of rage and anger. Then the anger comes rushing back as I have to listen to my victim whine and cry with pain. Pussy. I throw him a bottle of the Oxycontin he was trying to fill. He will yell and me when he realizes it was empty the whole time. I will laugh.

And that my friends, is the perfect solution to my problem.

Pick a speed!

2006-06-17T00:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, this has nothing to do with pharmacy, but it angers me just as much.

Like most people, I like to speed. I generally like to go about 5 to 7 MPH over the limit. Why? Because I have better fucking things to do than sit in my car. So, when I get behind someone doing the limit, or what I deem to be just under, my blood pressure starts to raise. But hey, maybe they are drunk. Maybe they have warrents issued for their arrest. Whatever their reason may be, they don't want to get pulled over, and I can respect that. If I had a dead body in the trunk of my car, I'm certain I would be extra cautious and mindful of my local traffic laws.

But the one thing I cannot wrap my mind around is the person completely oblivious to the current speed limit. They are out for a cruise, and they don't give a shit what the limit is. Hell, they can be on the freeway, which is easy to determine and clearly has a high speed limit, it don't matter, if they want to go 40, they go 40. They may exit and keep going 40 in the new 25 MPH zone. The cardinal sign of this type of driver is their window. No, not the glass ones surrounding their interior. The speed window. The range of speeds they seemingly aim to stay between. It generally falls around 17 to 51 MPH. And you never know where in range they will be at any given moment.

So if this driver is you, and you see a black Ford Taurus pull up behind you and some guy is screaming to what you would assume is death metal, its me and I want you to die. At least that way you would likely pull off the road.

Move bitch, get out the way.

I really have nothing better to do

2006-06-14T23:30:00.000-07:00

Holy shit was I ever in a bad mood yesterday. Here's why...

I get this patient in the door (right as we are closing) with five new scripts for diabetes type 2 meds. Sure whatever. All and well. ACEI, check, statin, check, looking good, except for the thiazolidinedione (glitazone you idiots) that is twice the recommended maximum daily dosage. I understand those maxes are only well researched guidelines that aren't always set in stone. I'll even admit that the physician probably knows more about diabetes than me (although probably not true). However, he has no history of using a glitazone, his other diabetes treatments aren't maxed out, and all of this is a bit much to a drug naive patient.

So anyways, I call the MD in the morning. MD is gone. MD only works one day a month. I get the PA who quickly realizes the error, admits it was more than likely a mistake, a transcription error, something. He changes it, makes great recommendations and promises to follow up with the patient and MD. Meanwhile the patient calls the MD. MD says, I am your doctor, fuck that pharmacist, I am your doctor, do what I said.

Fuck you assclown. He gets all glib on my ass and thanks me for my concern (yeah right, fuck you too) but says that his doc is the best.

Yes, all MDs are inherently blessed with knowing everything about medications. I know dick, the FDA and their flimsy guidelines mean dick, and because your doctor said its okay, then it must be so. Sorry to bother you with my concern for your well being. Trust me, captain, it will never happen again.

Matter of fact, that MD goes straight to my 'do not question list.' You, Dr. Sassypants, you write it, you scribe it, they get it. I pray I get a script that has a 'pr' in place of 'po'. "Sorry sir, your doctor said you can cram it up your ass.'

I hope you get heart failure.

Ugh, dermatologists

2006-05-25T21:54:00.000-07:00

What is the fucking deal with dermatologists? As a group, they prefer to write for brand only medications far more often than any other group of physicians. I have yet to see a generic version of Mycolog formulated in cow shit instead of your typical excipients and fillers. Never mind that probably more variation in absorption and end net effect results from unpredictable use, globbing that goo on thicker than necessary and lack of compliance. No, they insist that only the brand will do. Do they really think that any of the inert ingredients is really going to have that much of a significan clinical effect? Afterall, that really is all that can be different in the generic version. Their kick backs from the pharma companies must be huge.

The one that really takes the cake is Adoxa. Its fucking doxycycline, and its oral. Fuck that. Cram your studies and shove it. Its doxycycline, plain and simple. Just prescribe the generic.

Okay, I'll grant physicians that they may not be totally familiar with the specifics of how generics compare to their branded counterparts. But, around my area, the primary abuser of this brand-a-thon is also a pharmacist! WTF? I don't get it. Maybe its just me. Hopefully not all dermatologists are this bad.

Anyone happen to see the episode of Scrubs where they call for a derm. consult? The dermatologist just about shits his pants he finally has something to do. If it weren't for skin cancer dermatologists would be completely worthless. Right up there with chiropractors. I hate chiropractors.

The patients I hate

2006-05-24T23:55:00.000-07:00

I haven't be at this pharmacy game for too long now, but I am recognizing a general pattern in the types of people that shamefully leave their homes and bother me at work. Lets discuss a few;

The early riser-
They beat you to work. They're waiting for you, and they are pissed as hell that today isn't the day you mistakenly showed up for work an hour early. How dare you?! Get to work slacker.

Oh guess what? The script was dated for 2 months ago. YOU HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD! I can remember the last specific day and time you were last in my pharmacy, and this Rx is older than that.

The supervisor-
Fuck you. When you interrupt me checking my email for the 57th time today, and I say your prescription will take a couple minutes, that is not an invitation for you to hold up your end of the counter and stare into my eyes. Go walk around, go check out the merchandise, and let me check my email. This ain't fast food. Lets take our time, make an event out of it. Nevertheless, let me do my job. I want to do it right, and do it under my clock, not yours, so go take a look around.

But you my friend, you are a double edged sword. You can be the best part of my day. Why? Because I can be the worst part of your day very easily. You are ready to go, you want to get going, but, oops, I can't just quite read what your physician wrote. I think I'll give them a call. Whoopsie daisy, I had to leave a message. Get your fucking hands off my counter and call back tomorrow. Thanks with a smile.

Fucker.

The completely clueless-
This one is pretty simple. They are their own self-written joke. What are you here to pick up? What is it for? What letter does it start with? What does it look like?... I dunno. Even asking them what their name is results in a pathetically long pause. The truly sad part is, they aren't drunk, they aren't high, they are just dumber than rocks. Part of me feels really bad for them, but then again, my feet hurt and I don't really like standing longer than I have to while they figure out if they want to form an intelligent thought or not.

Shit, I wish Aricept actually improved memory and made people smarter. Suddenly I would be making a shit ton of mis-fills.

The spelling bee champ-
"Hi, pick up for Davis, D - A- V- I- S."

Me, "N O F U C K I N G S H I T"

Tell me where my fucking car keys are in the morning if you want to help me out, but the next time you tell me how to spell a common, American last name, I am going to punch a baby. Apparetly you think a pharmacy degree can be obtained by buying enough boxes of Cap'n Crunch and sending in for it. Apparently you think the job is limited to putting pills from a big bottle into a smaller bottle. Wait... anyways, the fact that I am upright and breathing should prove that I can spell your damned name. Thanks for the tip asshat.

Greetings

2006-05-24T23:46:00.000-07:00

This first post kicks off my blog. In the spirit of other blogs floating around out there, the general theme here will relate directly to the place between hell and insanity that is retail pharmacy. Yes, I am a pharmacist, and this blog is what I am prescribing to myself. Hopefully a little venting will get a smile out of you, and keep me going back to work tomorrow. Both are equally unlikely.

Any how, lets get going with rant number one.