I'm not blowing smoke up your ass

I am a kidder. I like to kid. I like to goof off, mess around, horse around, screw off, call it what you will, I likes to have a good time. When I am conseling patients, however, I tend to be pretty serious.

Which brings me to today's rant. I am conseling on this antibiotic, and as we all know, there are certain antibiotics that cannot be taken with calcium and dairy products. This patient was certain, was willing to bet his life on it, that this was one of those antibiotics. He kept asking me, are you sure? I really think this is one of those. Yeah, I remember, this is one of those you can't take with calcium. No matter how often I said it was fine, me being the pharmacist and all (as in what the hell do I know?) they just weren't quite sure I was correct. But the crux of the matter is, I'M NOT MESSING WITH YOU!!! If I tell you that taking this medication with calcium will make a horn grow out of your forehead and flames shoot out of your ass, then I am kidding you. If I tell you the calcium will chelate the drug and render it ineffective, guess what, thats not funny, and therefore, not a joke.

This whole concept will be an entire chapter in my upcoming book; "Stupid People; Hurry Up and Die"