Marshall Mathers, PharmD

So, as I do on most nights, I was venting some hatred and anger by listening to an Eminem album. I was about halfway through the Encore album, when I finally realized that Eminem himself must have been a pharmacist, or a tenured pharmacy tech at the very least. I mean, he is angry. Real angry. Just listen to his lyrics. This man is filled with anger. Ambiguous third party rejection anger. Idiot customer anger. Price check anger. Can I get my Soma and Vicodin filled 19 days early anger. Yeah, that angry. The only logical explanation is that Marshall Mathers once worked in retail pharmacy.

So, as you are closing down the store for the night, remember the inspiring words of our angry colleague. Recite after me; "Fuck this bitch raw dog and bail."

I love shitty weather

Oh man, this is great. Its been snowing like a beast out here recently. The roads are mildly messed up, but no one here knows or dares figure out how to drive in the snow. This will result in a great work day for me. No one will come in. I can check my email every five minutes. And, I can't believe I just thought of this. Now I am really excited. I will be able to eat my lunch and finish it before it gets cold again. I don't remember the last time that happened.

For those of you business minded folk, you are probably thinking sales will go down for the day. Fear not, for the snow gods have your interests in mind here too. As I just saw, people are clumsy, and fall on ice, right out front of our store. Not only was it hiliarious (the loud CRACK of her hip was the frosting on the cake), but I am going to sell a ton of ibuprofen today.

Alright, I have to go. Time to mark up the prices on the pain killers and gloves.

Don't be a dick

Sometimes physicians really piss me off. Generally, I respect them and enjoy working with them. Every now and then, they just get under my skin and beg for my foot in their ass. Let's discuss;

When I call and tell you that a medication you (the MD) just prescribed is contraindicated in your patient, brushing me off is not the right response. When I call back, insisting why and giving specifics of said contraindicated reaction, telling me to half the dose is also not the correct response. One of the great things about modern pharmacy is that there is almost always another option in medication selection. Maybe your pharmacist can help you with it. Just a thought. Anyways, point is; don't get all shitty and pissy when I try to help YOUR FUCKING PATIENT. I'm not trying to be a dick, I'm not trying to show off the massive size of my pharmacy brain, I'm just trying to help YOU AND YOUR PATIENT. Quit being such a smelly cock.

Give Thanks

What I am thankful for:

A kick ass tech that is smart, doesn't question everything I do, is great with customers/patients, super quick, and not to be a total dick, KNOWS HIS ROLE.

Customers that get the concept that their physician is not in their office, sitting next to the fax machine, just waiting to approve their refill requests.

Patients that take some amount, no matter how small it might be, in the responsibility of knowing something about their prescriptions.

Online C-II ordering. Took the feds long enough to allow that. You can buy wine, airplane tickets, make reservations, order a pizza and buy a car online (and have been able to for years), but now we can finally stop filling out those stupid 222's.

A close working relationship with our most frequently prescribing physicians. Trust me here, it makes practicing pharmacy, actually practicing it, a whole lot easier.

Patients who are genuinly grateful for their insurance, and comprehend that their $30 copay for a month of Lipitor has in fact been run through their insurance, and realizes just how much money they are saving. I fucking hate it when I run a script for something very expensive, say 60 tablets of Zofran, and when I tell them their copay is $40 they gasp and act all pissed that I didn't run it through their insurance. And no, I am not yanking your chain when I say the cash price is over $1000.

All the warm and fuzzies I get from the above thankful-worthy people and moments still pale in stark comparison to the opiate-addicts, idiot nurses, dickhead physicians, and general incompetent, how-can-they-both-breath-AND-walk public, and the mental pain they inflict on me every damn day.

I hate you all.

Happy Holidays.

Not all that angry, just a little surly

Well, I'm not really all that angry about it, but its become apparent that some people actually read this tripe that I spit out, so, I feel somewhat obligated to post something soon.

There are many things that people do in their cars, and in the drive thru in general that just fucking piss me off. Here are some recent ones that come to memory.

1) While your car is still rolling forward to the window, and your driver's side window is still rolling down, don't start barking out your name to me. Give me the courtesy of coming to a stop and let your window roll down all the way. I'm not interested in setting the world's record for fastest Rx pickup. Slow the fuck down dickhead.

2) Very similar to the above person, but at the end. Most people have the social skills to realize when both people involved in a conversation have more or less decided to end it. The subject matter has been concluded, and each person's voice takes on a unique tone, and often there are closing remarks like 'Thanks', or 'Have a nice day', or 'I'm calling the cops you fucking crackhead.' However, I had one person that chose a different method. They just rolled up their window. I'm not sure they ever finished their sentence, but the conversation did end when the window was up. I wanted to put my foot through that damn window.

3) The last one for today. It was rush hour, our drive thru was full of cars, and moving slowly. There was antibiotic reconstitution and fairly lengthy counseling involved. I can understand how this might frustrate some of the people waiting in line. They need to remember, however, that the drive thru of a pharmacy is for convenience, not necessarily blazing fast speed. Like I say, 'You can have your Rx now, or you can have it correct.' Anyways, some dickhole starts honking their horn. Now I'm pissed, and my patient feels embarrassed. Fine, whatever, leave it at that asshat, we get the idea. But no, they had to call us inside, from their cell phone to make sure the person in front of them was being helped. What a dick. Thats a real smart fucking move. Be a total annoyance to the person that has, and will continue to be looking over your well being and prescriptions for the next several years. Fortunately for me, I think he is an alcoholic, and its only a matter of time before he is prescribed some Flagyl. (Nerdy pharmacist joke)

Blood

Okay, thats it. I am sick and tired of this shit. Its not that I am a total germ-a-phobe, its just that I don't think I have to deal with unnecessary exposure. I just don't understand how I get so many damn prescriptions with blood on them. Granted, they're not sopping wet with blood, but there is a distinct smear of blood on them. Oddly enough, its always on the backside of the prescription. I only find the blood after I am done handling it and go to slap my printed sticker on the back. SON OF A BITCH!!!

How do these people do it? I just don't get it. I am overly aware of when and where I am bleeding, as are most people. Furthermore, how do these people not know they are bleeding, and then proceed to get it on their prescription? I just don't get it.

You may be thinking that all these people are coming in from dental operations or something else that produces an open wound. This is, however, not the case. This is for stuff like Prozac and Lexapro. Where is this mystery blood coming from? How do these people not know about blood bourne pathogens? Other than vampires (which don't fucking exist) NO ONE LIKES TOUCHING OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOOD.

Here's the point. If you are bleeding, keep your fucking prescription away from your wound. Your pharmacist doesn't want to touch it. There are no exceptions to this. And should you happen to let a drop of blood touch the prescription, do the right thing, TELL THE PERSON ABOUT TO HANDLE IT. Damnit. I would think this should be a common courtesy, but then again, it shouldn't be all that common. Think you fucking idiots.

Alright rant over. Back to waiting for the labs results on what the fuck the brown streak on that last prescription was.